To Hell In A Handbasket
by Capstone
Summary: 'This is gonna sound pretty crazy, but when the apocalypse came I missed it by about three weeks.' A Yuffie centric horror/humor story (with a bit of romance!).


**Warnings:** Gore, some bad words, violence.

* * *

This is gonna sound pretty crazy, but when the apocalypse came I missed it by about three weeks.

By the way, when I say _apocalypse _I don't mean that one about oh-say two years back with the giant ass meteor and that silver-haired loony tunes. This is a different one…which is kinda weird, right? Not many people have to deal with _two _ends of the world in one lifetime. But I guess that's just my crappy luck.

Anyway, you're probably wondering how it's possible for an apocalypse to happen right under a person's nose without them even noticing. Well, in my defence I _was_ sorta busy at the time, on the bottom of the ocean near Gold saucer no less, in that old crashed plane with the weird name. It wasn't like I could just stop someone and ask, 'Hey, anything news-worthy going on?'. All the regular folk who _didn't_ spend their time in confined, monster infested spaces all had the smarts to be miles away up on land, going about their business. Three weeks I'd camped out in that crashed underwater wreck and all I had for company were monsters, and they ain't exactly the friendliest bunch.

So a good question is what was I doing way down there anyways? I want you to know, I'm not some weirdo who gets of on this stuff, although I do know plenty of people like that. Well, ya see, I was levelling up Materia and collecting Sources when I could get them. Let me tell ya, levelling Materia takes a long-ass time and Sources are tricky to find. It just so happened that the quickest way to get both meant going up against a particular kind of monster. The kind that frequented the sunken wrecks of ex-ShinRa aircraft. It sucks but at the end of the day, I got to go where the AP is. Why? 'Cus, since the world narrowly avoided total annihilation, selling mastered Materia and Sources just happen to be my bread and butter these days. (Also, it doesn't hurt that it makes it harder for dad to bug me when I'm miles deep underwater.)

Shortly after all the business with Sephiroth and co I was wracking my brain trying to find excuses to put off going back home to Wutai. There wasn't much waiting for me there 'cept a drunk-ass father and a house that reeked of kitty litter. And that's when it suddenly hit me. I figured, hey, I love Materia and travel, and making lots of moolah ain't so bad either, so heck why not grow and sell the friggin' stuff? And you know what guys, I'm not too shabby at it either. Not too shabby at all, if I do say so myself! I mean, it was either that or go back to my crusty old dad and start actually listening to what that jerkass has got to say about my future.

So there I was, in that ShinRa plane wreck miles under the ocean, just me, myself and a bunch of bloodthirsty monsters. Fun times. At that point I hadn't seen another person, read a newspaper or watched a TV newscast in almost three weeks. I'd even turned off my PHS to conserve battery power, which was dangerously low from playing too much with my Chiapet (don't judge me, it gets lonesome on the road!). So I think I can be forgiven for being a little out of the loop with the rest of the world's goings on.

Since I'd just mastered my last Materia and was about to re-join civilisation, I figured I'd risk my PHS batt and see if I'd received any voice messages during my absence. Of course, there is no phone reception under the ocean.

So a quick trip in Cloud's submarine (he'd very reluctantly lent it to me on pain of death if I damaged it in any way) back to the surface and a trek a little ways inland, I finally got to turning my PHS on, curious now as to how my friends had fared during my absence. They were probably depressed as hell without my cheerful, loveable self around to brighten up their lives. Generously, I decided I'd put them out of their misery and check in with them before I headed to the nearest town to sell my wares.

I was kinda startled though when my PHS immediately started to ring in my hand the very moment I turned it on.

_Wow, someone sure wants to talk to me it seems…_ I stared at it in surprise a moment before I shrugged and took the call.

_"Yuffie?!"_ It was Reeve. He sounded desperate and beat, like he had the whole world on his shoulders and then some.

"'Sup T man?" I greeted. Maaan, but it was good to talk to another human being after three weeks of my own company, awesome as I am. Even if it was Reeve, who only ever phones me when he wants me to do something for him or buy some of my Materia. Materia is useful for helping to maintain the city of Edge and keeping the surrounding area monster free. It isn't easy to come by in the aftermath of Meteor though, so it was fortunate for him that he had friends in high places (like me!). "Hey, I gotta a real peach of a recently mastered Restore here if you're interested?" I offered. "I'll even discount it if you ask me nicely, ha ha-"

_"Nevermind that now, Yuffie."_ He cut in impatiently.

I pulled the phone away from my ear and made a face at his tone. He wasn't normally that abrupt. I hadn't even seen him since the last time he lectured me so I didn't get what I could've done wrong between then and now, especially miles deep under the ocean!

I was gonna tell him just that when I heard his irritable huff down the other end of the line before he continued. _"Do you have any idea how many times I've tried to call you? I've been trying to reach you for two weeks!"_

"Oh… Huh." I scratched the back of my head awkwardly. "Sheesh. Cut me some slack, ok. I've been super busy and my phones been out of commission too!"

_"Sounds like it's working just fine to me."_ He said, in that flat, prissy-sounding way of his he sometimes gets. I rolled my eyes.

"Well, it's probably gonna cut out any second now so if you've got something important to tell me…" I shot back sweetly. _Hmph!_ _Just see if I give you any discount now…_ I thought.

_"Look, I need a favour."_ He said shortly, sounding harried once more.

"Sure! What can I do for you?"

_"There's a civilian aid shipment leaving from Junon this morning, destined for Corel town."_

I uh-huhed.

_"I'd like you to head over to Corel and rendezvous with my delivery team. I need someone I trust to oversee the transfer. Normally I'd send my overseer but-"_ He drew in a sharp breath. _"-recently he's had a bit of an __**accident **__…"_

An accident, eh? Well one man's accident was a Yuffie Kisaragi gain! I was pleased as punch. Work like this always paid good. Reeve was a bossy guy at times but a fair one and he always rewarded hard work well. "You can leave it to me, boss!" I chirped, mock-saluting the phone.

_"Seriously Yuffie, quit kidding around."_ He barked, his voice cracking with impatience and what sounded like some underlying worry.

The grin slid off my face and I frowned, hitching the receiver closer to my ear. _Just what the heck was up with Reeve anyway?_ "Geez, Reeve…" I muttered sulkily.

_"Yuffie…"_ His tone softened a bit but he still sounded way too serious to put me at ease. _"Just what exactly have you been doing these last few weeks? No, wait. I mean…do you have any idea what's going on right now?"_ He sighed very heavily and I could just picture him hunched over his desk, rubbing the bridge of his nose. _"I just can't understand how you can still joke around at a time like this…"_

My mouth hung open at that. _Huh? _"What the heck Reeve! I already told you I've been busy. I've been out of touch for a while yeah, but what 's going on that's got your panties in such a twist, huh? And why are ya busting my butt about it anyways?!" I grouched back.

There was a long silence on the end of the line._ "You…you mean to say…you really have no idea…"_

"Spit it out already!"

"Yuffie, I hate to be the one to tell you this but-" Suddenly there came a crashing sound from his end of the line. It sounded like the door had been kicked in or something heavy had been knocked over.

"Reeve?" I said tentatively. There was a shout from Reeve, the sound of breaking glass and a sharp yell before the line just went dead.

I took the phone away from my ear and stared at it dumbly a moment, then quickly punched the redial button. I waited and waited as it rang, my heart thumping hard and fast in my chest. _What the heck just happened? No, scratch that. What the heck is going on in general!_ Reeve had been about to tell me something important I knew but then it sounded like he had some kind of accident. I bit my lip anxiously and hoped he was ok. My phone rang and rang but there was no answer. I tried a couple more times but he didn't pick up.

I wandered over to a nearby rock and absently sat down, brow furrowed in thought. Doubt began to creep in. _It hadn't sounded like too serious of an accident, had it_? I asked myself, pursing my lips as I stared thoughtfully at my boots, absently scuffing them against the dusty ground. Just a bang, then some glass breaking. _Maybe someone burst into his office without knocking and surprised him? And he knocked that dorky paperweight of his off his desk?_ I relaxed a bit. It sounded about right, especially if Reeve had been having his usual sneaky tipple whilst he was talking to me. He thought no one knew about his drinking habit, even me, but there wasn't much you could get past me what with my mad ninja skills and all. Also, I'd snooped around his office a few times and found a bottle of whisky in a hidden drawer in his desk.

_Still, it's pretty early in the morning_, I thought disapprovingly. I'd have to have a quiet word with him next time I saw him, and gently steer him back to the straight and narrow.

I figured I'd try and call him again once I reached Corel. That ought to give him time to clean up the glass of whiskey he'd probably knocked over. Looking my phone over again I noticed I had a helluva lot of missed calls and messages, and not just from Reeve. All of my friends had tried to contact me like a gazillion times. There were even several missed calls from my dad, which just disturbed me even more since he only ever called once in a blue moon to lecture me when he was feeling especially annoying. Feeling uneasy, I tapped in the number for my voice mailbox. Just as the first message, from Tifa, began to play my phone suddenly went dead. I pulled it away and stared at the useless blank screen; my battery had finally died.

I cursed and flung my PHS back into my back pack with a huff of disgust. I'd have to charge it up at Corel town. It was ok though, 'cus I had the relevant info from Reeve so at least I had a direction and a purpose. I'd get the job done, check up on Reeve and my friends and hitch a boat ride to Junon. I contemplated Cloud's submarine a moment but ultimately dismissed it, it would be quicker to go the Costa Del Sol route from Corel Town. I nodded to myself, decided.

Shoving my backpack over my shoulder and grabbing up Conformer, I started off on foot toward the Corel mountains. It was a doozy of a trek at this distance and hardly the first time I'd helped with a shipment there so I knew roughly how much time I had before it arrived. In the fallout of Meteor, when resources were even scarcer, the townsfolk of Corel had cautiously begun accepting these civilian aid deliveries from Edge.

It had taken Reeve almost two years to convince them he no longer had any affiliation with ShinRa, nor any wish to continue their corporate empire. And even now the people of Corel would only accept the bare minimum of help: small things like food rations, simple tools and, to a lesser extent, machinery that wasn't so easy to come by out in those parts that would eventually see the old railroad rebuilt and put into use again.

But Reeve, holding the highest council chair in Edge, was a busy guy with his fingers in many pies (by that I mean 'projects') and that's a lotta fingers if you count Cait Sith. So there were times when he didn't have the manpower and he'd ask me to fill in for him. Aside from overseeing the occasional shipment, he often had me couriering between towns when he couldn't get hold of Cloud, or following up rumours on the locations of rare Materia and artefacts. He had this idea that a museum filled with precious things and items of historical value would provide the people of Edge with a bright spot in the otherwise relentless gloom of our post-meteor world.

I was happy for these odd jobs from Reeve. I mean, what with my Materia business, I didn't really need the gil. But it gave me an excuse to drop in on my friends without having to admit I missed them and just wanted to see them, because that would mean having to deal with a load of ribbing about being 'all awone and wonely' (seriously, Cid can be such a jerkass). I'll admit though, levelling up Materia_ can_ get pretty lonesome at times. Spending all my time in the wilderness levelled up my Materia a treat but didn't do my social life any favours.

Godo and the rest of my AVALANCHE buds often asked me when the heck I was planning to settle and put down roots somewhere, if not in Wutai. After all everyone else had pretty much done just that: Cloud and Tifa had their bar in Edge and Barret was splitting his time there between raising Marlene and helping Reeve with Edge's residential expansion project ('cus it seemed like no matter how many homes were built there were always people sleeping rough on the streets).

As for Nanaki, he'd returned to Cosmo Canyon and immediately holed himself up inside Bugenhagen's study in order to research possible methods to speed up the planet's healing process. Harvests had been suffering since Meteor and everyone had had to tighten their belts a little. So far as I knew Nanaki kept in regular touch with Cloud and Reeve, updating them on his progress. I'd have spoken to him more myself but my little business had kept me pretty busy up till now. I figured I'd see him soon enough at our yearly reunion, which was always held at Tifa and Cloud's bar.

Then there was Cid, who had finally tied the knot with Shera and they were already expecting a kid real soon…like, suspiciously soon (shotgun wedding anyone?). Whenever I visited he'd always grumble that the mere sight of me made him antsy. That seeing me running wild made him want to build a whole new rocket and blast off into the heavens all over again to explore the stars. Personally, I think marrying Shera and the imminent arrival of Cid Jnr had pitched him headfirst into a midlife crisis. That and prospect of changing diapers. I mean, _ew_. (I'll have to make a mental note not to go over there until the kid is out of diapers.)

You remember how he used to drool over that Tiny Bronco of his? Well, that thing may as well be scrap junk next to his latest project; a fully restored vintage Grifter. They're small, compact one man planes that were popular way back when in crusty old people times, before public airborne transport was brought to the world. So the only people who were able to afford to fly them were rich ShinRa magnates with too much money and time on their hands. Well, Cid loves that thing a worrying amount. If he weren't already spoken for I'm sure he'd be marrying and trying to start a family with it instead of Shera.

And lastly there was Vincent, who no one save Cloud really had any regular contact with so Lord knows how old vampy (I say that with affection) spends his time. Although I heard he had made a home for himself up north somewhere near the ancient city, though gawd knows why as that place is _the pits_. Cold and depressing as all get out. It's where social lives go to die. I can only hope he's finally got round to updating his wardrobe but since he was still wearing that ratty old cloak at our last get together I'm not going to hold my breath on that one.

So that left me the odd one out. And boy did my dad love to get on my case about it every chance he got. Every time I stopped by in Wutai Godo couldn't wait to remind me that my mother had been sixteen (himself just turned twenty) when they'd married and here I was at eighteen still brazenly single and wandering the planet like some vagrant. He said it was downright shameful the way I carried on, living out of a back pack, firmly ensconced in the present with no consideration for my future. Bottom line: the guy wanted some grand kids and he wanted them, like, two years ago. You can probably guess that my visits home never lasted long, huh?

Well anyway, the journey over the Nibelheim plains was a pleasant and familiar one, and since I had plenty of time I decided to take the scenic route.

About two hours into my hike I finally hit civilisation and began passing by a few isolated farmsteads. I started to notice something odd about them, however: all the windows in the outbuildings and main farmhouses were shuttered and tools lay in the fields as though hastily abandoned. Even weirder, there was not a soul, man or animal, in sight. Normally these little farms would be bustling with activity whenever I passed them but today they were silent as the grave. Even weirder, there seemed to be an awful lot of aerial monsters about than the norm, circling in the sky in the distance and occasionally diving down at something unseen. I found myself veering more toward the shelter of trees as I walked, almost unconsciously keeping off the country roads and out of sight...more from a feeling of growing unease than anything else.

I cast a troubled look back over my shoulder as I passed yet another farm in the same state and pondered the situation. Maybe there was a simple explanation? Like a public holiday that I'd forgotten about. The more I thought about it the more that made sense. I mean, it's not like I keep track of stuff like that. The farm folk were probably all relaxing in the nearest town or had taken their livestock to market.

Satisfied, I brushed it all to one side and continued on my way.

Around midmorning I made it to the old disused Corel rail tracks. I found them deserted as usual…save for one guy milling about roughly half a mile up the main track. The sight of him didn't surprise me as the miners often used the track to get to and from town. But even though he was dressed in the rough homespun get up the Corel townspeople favoured I could see there was something not quite right about him. He was an older geezer, shuffling jerkily in one spot, slope shouldered and sporting a slack-jawed, vacant eyed expression. You never saw miners like that; they were hardworking and diligent folk. It was not normal to come across one of them loafing around on an old train track when there was honest work to be done.

As yet unnoticed as I paused out of sight behind a sharp curve in the track that hugged the mountain, I watched him shuffle about for a minute or so before the answer suddenly came to me. I chuckled to myself, deeply amused. _Of course!_ Clearly, the old coot had been deep in his ale cups the previous night, gotten carried away and was even now still sauced! The poor guy was probably trying to make his way home but was too sozzled to remember the way. _Boy, old people sure know how to party, _I thought, smirking to myself with amusement.

"Hey mister!" I called out, now approaching with a friendly smile. At the sound of my voice, the guy started to turn to fully face me in that slow, awkward shamble of his. I wondered if he'd been in the war and had a gimpy leg. Maybe one of those metal prosthetics? Or maybe he'd gone the Barret route and grafted on a gun-leg instead. I wondered if it'd be too forward to ask if I could have a gander at it…

As I moseyed up to him, I noticed that there were blood stains down one arm of his ripped, dirtied shirt. I tacked on 'bar room brawl' to what I'd already surmised about him. "Hey gramps, shouldn't you know better by now than to stay up all night drinking? And I thought you old peeps are 'sposed to set an example for us youngsters! Haha!"

The guy gurgled and suddenly lurched forward, arms outstretched and bony fingers grabbing for me. I skipped back and a few steps to one side with a yelp, his fingers just barely brushing my arm as he lurched past me. The yelp was more from the brief touch than surprise though; the guy's fingertips were like icicles!

I frowned as I rubbed my arm where he'd touched it. "Hey now, I was just kiddin' around gramps. No need to get shirty with me." He didn't answer, just made some more unintelligible grunts like the total booze hound he clearly was. I tried to keep some distance between us but he just came doggedly after me, dragging his feet and drooling in a seriously gross way.

I eyed him warily as I continued to back away. I stopped when my heels hit the edge of the curving track and I sensed the open drop at my back.

That was when he made another lunge for me, roaring like some deranged beast. He was no match for my ninja reflexes though. I rolled swiftly to one side and back to my feet, unmolested, just in time to see him go soaring head first off the edge of the track, arms groping at thin air and mouth open wide in one long gargle. He fell toward the ground like a lodestone.

Alarmed, I knelt by the edge of the track and watched with wide eyes as his fall was quickly broken by a large, bushy shrub. He lay there on his back spread-eagled, like a turtle on its shell, writhing and twisting in the foliage. From the way he struggled it appeared he'd be unable to get out of that bush without some help. I didn't think he was injured though. The fall was a short one and he was snarling so it looked like he was just annoyed, not in pain. Plus the way he was squirming around like a wiggly worm it was clear all his limbs were in working order.

I got to my feet and, crossing my arms over my chest, frowned down at him reprovingly. "Now you can just cool off there a while mister and think about what you just tried to pull! I'm waaay too young for the likes of you and totally uninterested anyway you old perve!" I jabbed a finger down at him. "Now, I'm gonna head into town but I'll be back with help in an hour or so. Until then, you can just sit tight and sober up! Hmph!" He gurgled up at me, arms reaching upwards and clawing at the air. With a sniff, I turned on my heel and strode off in a huff, my good mood effectively ruined by some drunken, handsy old codger.

Yuck.

* * *

So there I was in Corel not long after my odd little run in with the boozy old geezer, along with the few of Reeve's helpers that could be spared and most of Corel's mining folk, unloading the latest shipment that had rolled into town via one of the old rail trolley's.

I noticed that everyone was oddly quiet and tense. And Reeve's workmen were uncharacteristically clumsy; they kept flinching at sudden noises, darting looks back over their shoulders and dropping things. Before today they'd never so much as tripped in my presence. I just assumed that it was due to circumstances having been harder recently. Life was tough on a daily basis but sometimes, when the weather was especially rough or the crops failed to yield a decent harvest, there were weeks when things were about as bleak as they could get. I tried to talk with a few of them but they were all so tight-lipped and distracted it was like trying to make conversation with Cloud and I could soon feel the beginnings of a migraine. So eventually I gave up with a shrug and knuckled down to the task at hand.

Thanks to the miners being so burly and strong we made quick headway unloading the delivery and I was hopeful of us reaching Costa Del Sol by nightfall, bunking down for the night and catching the morning boat the following day back to the continent. Catching that boat would put me back in Edge in time for one of Tifa's scrumptious dinners and (if I was lucky) home-baked apple pie. That girl has some serious skills. Somehow she can turn those bland old cardboard-tasting rations into a meal even old President ShinRa himself wouldn't have turned his nose up at!

Not that Cloud ever appreciated her efforts, I noticed. He was always out on long distance deliveries whenever I visited. The few times we did cross paths we barely had time to exchange a brief greeting (or a taciturn nod or grunt in his case) before he was tramping out the door again, as stoic and broody as ever. I'd honestly thought life after Meteor might have mellowed the guy a little, but _nooope!_ He's as peculiar and avoidant as ever.

"Phew," I sighed as the last box was stowed away in Corel town's largest tent, used for storage. I mopped my face with the bandana I'd tied round my neck for just such a purpose and squinted up at the sun from beneath the shade of one gloved hand. "Looks like we might make Costa Del Sol today, guys!" I informed the others, turning to give them a grin and a thumbs up.

I was surprised when the men just looked relieved but no less tense. Like, _really _relieved. Abnormally so. All the other times I'd informed them we could leave early there'd been whoops of joy, back-slaps and eager discussions of their plans back in Edge. This nervous silence was bugging me out.

The uneasy feeling from earlier returned and now settled in the pit of my stomach. Suddenly I had a strong urge to read every newspaper I'd neglected these past three weeks to maybe shed some light on what exactly was eating everyone. This morning so far had been unacceptably queer and it was really beginning to get to me now.

I was about to demand of the workman nearest me whether something unfortunate had happened recently but I never got the chance. A blood-curdling scream tore through the encampment, the general, though oddly subdued, ruckus of a normal working day immediately reduced to hushed silence. People abandoned their tasks, heads swivelling as they searched for the source, a low, worried murmur coursing through the crowd.

"Here too?" I heard one of Reeve's workmen whisper to another, his voice high and thin with fear. His friend didn't answer. I spared them a glance and saw their faces were white as a sheet.

Although I had no clue what was going on I immediately began pushing my way toward the commotion without a second thought, Conformer already in hand. Unfortunately, there were a lot of mining folk in my way, tall as they are wide and I'm a little challenged in the height department. So it took me some time to work my way towards the source of the trouble.

"Miss Kisaragi!" One of Reeve's workmen had followed me. He tried to grab my arm to pull me back but I dodged aside easily and hurried on.

"_Please!_ Come away from there!" He shouted after me, something desperate sounding in his voice. "We need to get back to Edge immediately and inform Reeve that Corel town's been infect-" His voice faded off as I shouldered my way past some more people. Some rushed to and fro in a panic whilst others stood as if struck dumb.

The quiet of before was now filled with shouts of alarm and people wailing. There was another sound underneath it all though, one that I couldn't quite place. It was like something tough and wet being torn…and then what could only be the sound of a skull being bludgeoned with a blunt object until it caved with a sickening crunch. My blood ran cold and I quickened my step.

A woman fainted to the ground as I passed her but I didn't stop to help as she was already being lifted and carried away by one of the miners. Finally I pushed through the final ring of people and to the forefront. I stopped short as what I saw chilled me right down to the marrow of my bones.

Blood was smeared, splattered and pooling everywhere just outside one of the larger tents. And in the midst of this grisly tableau two people lay quite clearly dead on the ground. One was torn to shreds, stomach gutted and intestines exposed. The rest of the body was too shredded and bloodied for me to tell much about the person. Only that the ragged skirt and long blood matted hair gave a good indication that it was a woman. The second corpse lay over the first, hands frozen into claws that still clutched some intestinal tract. It was a man, dressed in ragged and filthy miner's clothing, his face set in an animal snarl. I resisted the urge to gag, although from the retching sounds around me there were some who hadn't been able to control themselves.

That's when I noticed something odd. The dead man's skin was an unnatural colour, not the sallow pallor of the recently deceased but the bloodless, blueish grey tinge of the long dead. I was scared and confused as hell but I tried not to show it.

A man, a miner who'd briefly stopped with us and helped unload the delivery earlier, was stood over the two bodies, a hoe clutched two-handed in his white knuckled grasp. Its tip was dark and dripping with blood; thick, coagulated and black. _Old blood? But that didn't make sense, this only just happened..._ I shook my head. That wasn't important right now. What was important was that this man was clearly a threat and needed to be disarmed and restrained before he hurt someone else.

I launched myself at him, nimbly sidestepping the bodies on the ground and the surrounding bystanders but unable to totally avoid the blood splatter. I skidded but managed to keep my balance, my boots squelching obscenely as I rounded the bodies and made a beeline for the murdering jerkass.

It was surprisingly easy to wrench the murder weapon out of the guy's hands; he barely reacted. I don't know why anyone hadn't done it sooner. I flip reversed it and pointed the bloody end at him one-handed, my Conformer poised up and over my right shoulder for a deadly throw if need be. The man seemed to jolt back to himself when the hoe was snatched from him. He stumbled back from me and sank to his knees in the pooling blood, looking sick, his eyes wide and glassy with shock.

"Leave him be!" An old woman appeared at my side and started pulling at my arm, the one that held the hoe. She was near hysterical. "That was his wife! His _wife!_"

"Stand aside lady." I said grimly, not giving an inch or taking my eyes off him. "That guy's just killed two people!"

For a few beats she looked at me as though I had a screw loose. Then she resumed trying to tug the hoe away from me. "No, no! You've got it the wrong way around little girl!" _Little girl? Hey! _"That…that _thing_ just _ate_ his wife! Joel did right in killing it. You should be giving him a medal instead of pointing a weapon at him!"

I frowned and looked again at the grisly scene with new eyes: a weird-looking corpse sprawled over a normal looking corpse, bar the gory detail of its insides bared to the world. The weird-looking corpse had an equally weird-looking feral snarl on its face and there was blood around its mouth and broken teeth. Bits of the normal looking corpse's insides were clutched in its clawed hands. Add to that a possible grieving widower slumped nearby in apparent shock... _Ooookay. So I'm thinking I may have jumped the gun a bit here._

"What the hell happened?" I demanded, turning back to the old lady. She seemed the only one around here who wasn't either hysterical or struck dumb with shock. I sheathed my Conformer, absently tossed the hoe to the ground and then pointed at the weird-looking corpse. "Why did he try to eat that woman? Did you _know_ he had cannibalistic tendencies? 'Cus seriously, ew!" Jeez, it was like something from one of those TV documentaries on ancient tribe rituals.

The old woman looked at me again like I was a bit slow but at least she'd finally laid off pawing at me. "Do you mean to say that you…you don't recognise it? You've never seen One before now, missy?"

"One _what?_" I huffed. I was losing patience fast. What with this unfortunate, gory murder business I reckoned there was little chance of me making it to Costa before nightfall. Which meant I'd miss the boat tomorrow and get none of Tifa's scrumptious dinner and certainly none of her home-baked apple pie. It might've driven a lesser mortal to tears.

"You know exactly what miss!" She seemed angry now, like she thought I was being deliberately obtuse. "Raveners! The undead! Come to life and trying to kill us all! Ring any bells?!"

_Ok, all aboard the HMS Ker-razy. _"Lady, are you tryin' to tell me that a _zombie-"_

"_Ravener." _She corrected.

I refused to say it. It sounded _laaame_. "That _dead guy_ over there attacked and _ate_ that woman just now?"

She sagged with relief; apparently, I'd got it at last.

"Uh uh." I shook my head. Paused. Shook it again. "No way lady. Just. No. No way. Zombies don't exist! Except in that film, the one where everyone's turned into a zombie except this one scientist dude and they keep bugging him every night and chucking stuff at his house." I give it a 6.5: too much plot, not enough gore. Well, I had all the gore I could stomach right about now.

"You better believe it missy or you'll be a goner too just like poor Libby over there…" I followed her gaze back to the bodies on the ground. A few of the men, their eyes red and hands shaking, had started wrapping the woman in heavy-duty canvas, readying her to be removed from the scene. The 'Ravener' was being roughly dragged off by the feet, to be burned I guessed. Hoe guy was nowhere to be seen, which was a little worrying.

"They've taken Joel to one of the tents." The old lady must have noticed my troubled frown. "He's had a terrible shock. He needs to rest."

I turned back to her with a sigh and gently began steering her away from the gruesome scene. A lot of people remained, crying among themselves and murmuring in low voices. Everyone had the same bleak, hollow-eyed look on their faces. "Look ma'am, I know you must find my lack of awareness kinda frustrating but would ya mind awfully if we went to your tent and you filled me in some? You see, I've been out of town for a while and it looks like I may have missed some…things." Like, every_thing_.

The old lady took pity on me and led me off to a smallish tent further up the path, where she gave me some slightly stale oatmeal biscuits and set about making tea for us both. I sat at the rickety little table and stared silently into space as she pottered about. I kept seeing the 'zombie's' snarling death face on the back of my eyelids every time I blinked. _Could it really be true? Zombies?! Jeez…_

I thought back to that weird guy on the train track earlier and a few things suddenly clicked into place. I shivered and pushed the plate of biscuits away numbly, feeling suddenly sick to my stomach. _Cripes…that thing was still out there!_

"How long's this been going on?" I asked as the old lady handed me a somewhat milky cup of tea and finally took a seat across from me. Far as I knew there hadn't been any talk of the living dead when I'd left Nibelheim a few weeks back so it had to have happened pretty recently. _Gawd, I sure had some crappy timing..._

"It's been just over a week since the first sighting of a Ravener was reported. Closer to three if you count the pandemic leading up to it."

"Pandemic?" I wracked my brain until a little bulb finally lit up. "Wait, you mean that super contagion thing a few weeks back? That's what caused this?" She nodded solemnly.

I remembered catching clips of the news reports when I'd been lodging at the inn in Fort Condor. For weeks up before I left the fort to catch the boat to Costa Del Sol people had been falling ill seemingly all over the globe with some mysterious illness. The symptoms were difficult to link to one another initially: insomnia, fever, lack of appetite, partial blindness and some loss of mobility. When people started turning up at the medic stations complaining of the exact same symptoms the world finally began to connect the dots. Just as I'd left Costa Del Sol for the wilderness hospitals had reportedly been overflowing with patients, although there had yet to be any official deaths.

I let out a whoosh of breath and I sagged back in my chair. It appeared I'd missed a good deal more than I'd thought. A _crapload _of bad juju had gone down during my three week hiatus. I was way out of the loop here and that is not a good place to be when the undead are seemingly running rampant, trying to get at your brains.

"So, what then? People fell sick and eventually turned into zom-" She shot me look and I rolled my eyes. "Sorry. _Raveners_." _Sheesh. Call a spade a spade, I say._

"No... No, it wasn't quite as simple as that." She said, passing a hand over her eyes wearily. "People who fell ill suffered a few days with chronic symptoms. Eventually they weakened and died. And so far as I know not a single soul who showed signs has recovered from them. It was a mess: so many bodies and not enough manpower or willing volunteers to help bury them all. A great may of those who weren't infected or dead were hysterical, inconsolable, damn near useless. In the end pits were dug and mass burials became the preferred method of dealing with any…surplus corpses." Her voice quavered on the last word and she seemed to shrink into herself a little at the memory, closing her eyes briefly before she continued. Her hands shook and she clasped them together, her gnarled fingers intertwining roughly to still the tremors. "That was before they started coming back...clawing their way out of the very earth we'd put them in." She shuddered. "Be thankful you never had to see any of that, missy. Especially what came after...the _fire pits_."

"Fire pits?" Oh boy, I had a feeling I'd regret asking...

"Enormous dug out pits, craters really, each easily a mile wide, doused with raw MAKO and lit with Fire Materia...the fires burn all day and night."

I hissed a shaky breath through my teeth. "Holy hell..." Was this actually real? It felt like I'd stepped into some bad horror movie.

"That smell of burning flesh and the thick ash clogging up the air is something I'll never forget." She stared down into her teacup as she spoke, lost in memories and seeming to have forgotten I was there for the moment. "And the sight of those people who came to try and stop their deceased loved ones from being tossed in…oh! Futile of course." She shook her head sadly. "The WRO wouldn't let anyone near. Some had to be forcibly removed from the area, dragged back to one of the refugee camps outside the local townships I guess... Their time would've been better spent finding a safe place for themselves."

My eyes were bugging out of my head at this point, my stomach roiling._ And this had all happened only a week ago? Was __**still**__ happening?!_ _Da Chao on a pogo stick! This had to be the nuttiest thing I'd ever heard and I was supposed to believe it was real?_ My head swam for a moment at the implications, till I managed to pull myself together. I remembered the people outside; getting hysterical would do no good.

I frowned and chewed my bottom lip anxiously a moment before my eyes rose slowly back to hers. I saw they had that tell-tale watery sheen to them...I felt bad about asking my next question. "So you worked out that the bodies...that were burned...couldn't come back?"

She nodded. "All the buried dead come back within a few days. And initially they always returned to familiar places: home, work... Like some part of them was still alive in there. So you can hardly be surprised that some people thought their loved ones were still in there somewhere and thought they could reach them." Her face became ever bleaker. "They paid the price of their lives for that mistake."

I swallowed dryly. Lord but this was some _grim _talk. For a moment I had a wild notion that she was just a deranged old woman spouting off nonsense out of her head. It would be easy (and let's face it, preferable) to believe that if I hadn't already seen one of them, one of those _things_… Zombies… Raveners… Whatever.

I was suddenly seized by the dreadful realisation that I had no idea whether any of my friends were ok. If they had managed to survive, or…no, wait. I wasn't gonna go there. Until I could confirm their status I'd continue to believe they were safe from the danger. They were all tough as nails, surely if anyone had a chance it was them...

I blanched as the faces of my loved ones popped one by one through my mind: Tifa, Barret, Cid, Reeve, Cloud, Nanaki, Vincent, little Marlene and Denzel…and dad. _Shitcakes! _Snatching my back pack off the floor I rifled through it in a panic till I found my PHS, then cursed loudly when I saw the little blank screen and remembered the battery was flat.

"Language dear." The old lady said primly, seeming to have recovered slightly and now watching me over the top of her teacup.

"Sorry, ma'am." I shot her an apologetic look and then held up the PHS hopefully. "Erm, I don't 'spose you've got something I can plug this baby into? I _badly _need to charge it up."

"Sure." She nodded toward a small, portable power generator beside the tiny kitchenette and I scrambled over like my ass was on fire, charger and PHS in hand. "But," She added. "Charged or no, you won't be able to use that thing."

I paused in the process of jamming the charger plug into the generator and glanced back over my shoulder at her in confusion. "Hwuh?"

"You can't get signal for those things here. We're too far up in the mountains. You'll have to go down to lowland. And I'm afraid you won't be able to take the tram over to Gold Saucer anymore, they closed it off a few days ago."

Oh yeah. I'd forgotten that little detail. Urgh. I twisted round and shot the old lady a look of utmost exasperation and pity. "Dammit, no PHS signal?! How the heck do you people _live?_"

She eyed me soberly for a long moment before she spoke, her watery grey eyes full of stark pain. "Not so well these days, dearie…not so well at all."

_Wait a go Yuffie_, I scolded myself, wincing. _Remind an old woman of all the people recently reduced to zombie chow._ _Lord knew how many of her own family and friends she'd already lost._ Slumping back against the kitchen counter I let my head hang forward till my chin touched my chest. I dragged my gloved hands down over my face and sighed deeply. "Sorry. I'm _really_ sorry." I murmured, blinking tiredly down at the floor. "I just, this is a lot to take in..."

"It's alright my dear, it's perfectly alright." The chair squeaked as the old lady pushed it back and stood to pat me consolingly on the shoulder. She put a finger under my chin and gently tipped my head up so our eyes met. "You just get that doohickey all charged up, then go ahead and get on out of here. Find out how your loved ones are faring."

I nodded and managed a weak smile, no more than a twitch at the corner of my mouth really. She patted me again and then moved briskly away.

"Now, do you have a weapon?"

"Um…" I blinked at her blankly a moment, taken aback by the abrupt subject change, then gestured a little dazedly toward where my Conformer lay propped near the tent opening.

She eyed it speculatively, one wrinkled hand on her chin, and tsk'ed. "Hmm. That fancy frisbee looks decent enough for attacking at a distance but what you really need is a blunt instrument for close combat. Sometimes you don't see 'em till they're right on top of you."

I watched curiously as she crossed the small room, bent with some effort to open a large, oak chest nearby and began rummaging through it. A lot of rejected stuff started sailing out of it over her shoulder: an old workman's boot, a mop head, a novelty rubber President ShinRa caricature mask, a painted kazoo, an auburn wig… _Man, this lady sure does keep a lot of crap, _I couldn't help observing.

My eyes bugged out when she finally straightened up and turned to show me the baseball bat she was holding. There were several long, rusty nails hammered into the end. It looked downright nasty.

I shivered. _Seriously, why would a little old lady even have that kinda thing buried at the bottom of her chest?_

I took it from her gingerly when she handed it to me and carefully gave it a few experimental swings. It was a lot lighter than my Conformer but I could tell it would yield a good deal of blunt force if I put enough power behind each blow. A thought suddenly occurred to me. "Wait a sec! I can't take this, ma'am. I mean, what are you going to use?"

She gazed at me impassively for a few moments then slowly reached down into the top of her faded, floral blouse; a moment later she pulled free a small, battered looking handgun out of her frilly cleavage. "_This_."

_Whoa-kay, did she used to work for the Turks or somethin'? 'Cus, __**seriously**__. _I thought, impressed...and kind of disturbed too, I gotta say.

"You do know how to work that thing right?" I had to make sure.

She shot me a contemptuous look as she tucked it back down her bra. "Missy, my pops was teaching me to fire this gun before you were even a glint in your daddy's eye!"

Woah. Ok. She'd sure _told _me.

"Glad to hear it." We shared a small smile and then a few more cups of tea as I waited for my PHS to charge. Those two hours were about the longest of my life, wondering whether my friends were alive and holding their own or…

...the alternative was too horrible to contemplate.

* * *

**A/N:** My first foray into zombie fic. I'm a big Final Fantasy/zombie movie fan so I thought it might be fun to combine the two. I hope I didn't butcher the genre too badly. (The title has been changed by the way and may go through other permutations before it settles...I'm not too good with titles.)


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